There are a lot of self-help books out there and sometimes it is hard to know where to start. Here’s a few general books that I frequently recommend:
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene’ Brown
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
I know I am biased about therapy. I am a therapist. I also go to therapy myself. I passionately sing its praises to everyone within earshot. I see my clients make incredible strides in their personal and professional lives through their work in therapy. So it pains me when I hear people I know tell me all the reasons why they would never go…
I tried it once and the therapist was so terrible.
This one bums me out. Yes, there are some bad ones. But no one goes to a bad dentist and then decides they will never go to a dentist again. There are myriad ways to get a good recommendation and find someone you click with. Ask someone you know, ask your doctor, or look through listings on Psychology Today. I love to help people connect with good therapists I know or give suggestions on how to find the right fit. Find someone who offers a free phone consultation or 30 minute appointment and try ‘em out. If it doesn’t feel right, try someone else. Trust your instinct!
I can talk to my friends over a glass of wine when I have a problem.
Yep, you can. But a sympathetic ear isn’t the same as someone who is trained to listen. Friends and family can be helpful but they sometimes have partisan opinions about that boyfriend who keeps breaking your heart or your inability to stand up to your boss. If you just need someone who will let you vent, you probably know who to call. When you suspect you are wearing out their patience because you’ve had the same litany of complaints for years, find a therapist. Your friends and family will thank you.
I go to church and pray about my problems. I don’t need to see a therapist.
It isn’t an either/or. If you are feeling judgment externally or internally about seeking help from a professional, question the source. Asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Going to therapy doesn’t mean you have a lack of faith. Faith and hope are inherent to the therapeutic process. If it is important that your therapist share your spiritual beliefs, seek this out.
I don’t even want to think about my grief or dredge up my childhood trauma or bare my dark secrets. I’m over it.
Fair enough. No one wants to feel bad. Therapy isn’t about dredging up every terrible moment from your childhood just for the sake of doing so. But when your past trauma is still dictating your present life, you probably aren’t “over it”. You probably are thinking about it. If you are ignoring something emotionally painful, it’s going to flare up somewhere, I promise. Physical symptoms that don't ever seem to get better are often the result of emotional stress. Why suffer? It can get better.
It costs too much money.
“What is the cost of not doing it?” Your relationship with your kids? Your relationship with your partner? Your health? The time and investment you put into your emotional well-being is one of the best long-term investments you can make. There is therapy available at any budget. If you or someone you know needs help connecting with lower cost resources in Austin, please ask me!
What’s the point anyway?
The point is about being your best self. About improving the relationships in your life. About making changes that last. About actually alleviating stress instead of just coping (poorly) with it.
Therapy isn’t a magic pill. It takes effort, but taking the time to genuinely work on yourself is a gift that keeps on giving. If you'd like to find out more about working with me, contact me at: jilladams@jilladamscounseling.com